I'm not good enough for Starbucks

My brother made me go to Starbucks on Sunday. It is without exaggeration that I say that I have not been to a Starbucks a dozen times in my life. The reason is simple, they go out of their way to either make me one of them or make me feel unwelcome. I am not an idiot but all I want is a cup of coffee and I feel helpless conveying that to them. Where does their menu say Coffee: Small, Medium, Large? Also, how many "blends" do you need and why the hell do you have to change the names all the time? I thought I had it licked when they had a coffee called "Breakfast Blend", know why? Cuz it tasted like Dunkin' Donuts coffee where I should have been in the first place. That day I also learned that "Grande" meant medium. I am actually grateful for that because now I refer to my "member" as "Grande", quite grande if you ask me. I rolled the dice and went again knowing that breakfast blend was what I wanted and Venti was the size. Problem, no breakfast blend. It's like playing battleship for heavens sake. D1...hit...D2...miss. I am done with it. Now I know how a Spanish person feels when trying to understand or convey English. Wait, scratch that, we actually try to help them instead of just giving them blank, impatient looks like the doinks at Starbucks do. My brother ordered for me which is actually 1950's chivalrous. You know, if I was a chick and he had a chance. One day I actually said "Can I have whatever the closest thing to a regular cup of coffee is?" I still had to answer "room for cream?" The day I go in there and say Venti, half Himalayan, half Corsican blend with room for cream and a dash of Sugar in the Raw is the day I find out Dunkin' Donuts, Green Mountain and everyone else is gone. My dream though is that Starbucks goes away and all of the over serious, look at me I'm writing a novel or a play on my laptop, Saab driving crap heads have to do their thing at McDonald's or Dunkin' D's. Good luck not getting laughed at or your butt kicked.