Lie-cense plates

Living here in Florida with all the snowbirds you get to see more license plates than a Folsom Inmate. I never really gave much thought to what they said before I moved here. Coming from the "Constitution State" sort of numbs you to looking for something clever being printed on one. Here are a few of my favorite state plates and what they say. These are all actual plates.

Alabama-"Sweet Home". Seems kind of easy to make fun of so this is my first readers contest. The funniest one that is submitted will be published and taken credit for by me.

Alaska-"Celebrating Statehood 1959-2009" Woo Hoo! It's freezing and there is nothing to do, they celebrate when Palin bags a deer for Pete's sake.

Arkansas-"The Natural State". Probably so named for Bill Clinton's aversion to silicone or Hillary's to makeup.

Delaware-"The First State". It's nice to be good at something.

District of Columbia-"Taxation Without Representation". Ya can't make this stuff up.  What, are they coming clean?  Why not just have it say "Ha Ha Suckers"?

Florida-"Sunshine State". Could not fit "Too Crowded or Hot as Hades Depending on the Time of Year State" I guess.

Idaho-"Famous Potatoes". Obviously Dan Quayle had no hand in this.

Indiana-"Lincoln's Boyhood Home". So...a nice place to leave?

Illinois-"Land of Lincoln". "Indiana's Our Bitch" finished a close second.

Louisiana-"Sportsman's Paradise". Shoot all the looters that you want. Don't worry if you wing a FEMA guy, they have good insurance.

Maine-"Vacationland". Yup, if you are from anywhere north of Bridgeport and your folks are not rich it certainly is.

Missouri-"Show Me State". I really feel I should have a good one for this, nothing though. Guess we have our second readers contest.

Nevada-"The Silver State"-Why would you brag about finishing second?

New Hampshire-"Live Free or Die". Let me know how that works out for you.

North Carolina-"First in Flight". OK, this one really gets me. I know, the Wright Brothers flew there in 1903 making the first controlled flight in history. Problem, they were from Ohio...I think the plate should say "Where Smart People Come to do Stuff".

Ohio-"Birthplace of Aviation". You're damn skippy it is.

Oklahoma-"Native America". They have casinos there?

Pennsylvania-"visitPA.com". Guess your friend moved.

Puerto Rico-"Island of Enchantment". If so how come no one stays there?

Rhode Island-"Ocean State". Shortened from "About to be swallowed by the ocean state"

South Carolina-"In God We Trust". Still hopeful someone smart will do something there.

Tennessee-"The Volunteer State". Have you seen their unemployment rate? They can't get people to do shit for money!

Texas-"The Lone Star State". Does Miley Cyrus still live there?

West Virginia-"Wild, Wonderful". That's just the family reunions.

I will update with contest winners submissions when received.

Who killed the wave?

OK, I am sitting here tonight and am saddened that people have completely forgotten the rules. When we are in traffic and you need to change lanes please turn on your blinker, not swerve in front of me and hit the brakes cuz it's rush hour. I will let you in, I swear to you. I will open up roughly 1 1/2 car lengths so you know it is happening and even flick my lights if your head is up your ass or stuck to your phone. (Are those synonymous?) You have roughly 5 seconds but I then have to move on because too many of you "I still have my turn signal on from my last lane change but am content here now" (with my head up my ass) have burned me. Now after I let you in I have handled my part of OUR transaction. Yours is easier, wave. Put down your coffee, tell your mom to hold on for a sec and just f%&*ing wave. I do not think that this is a lot to ask. This is a true story. I was coming home on 84 east one night and a woman was trying to merge on from the Park Road on ramp so I stopped to let her come over. (At least 5 cars in front of me did not) She reached up and I saw her hand so I started my return wave and she was just adjusting her mirror. I felt like such a sucker. I now wait for confirmation of the wave before I return it.

Now back to you jack pipes that make it unsafe to drive at a safe distance. Cut the shit, just because there is 8 feet between me and the car in front of me does not mean that your Escalade can swing right it. PUT ON YOUR TURN SIGNAL, GIVE ME A CHANCE!!! You're stealing candy from a guy that will gladly give you some. To go off topic briefly...ATTN: Escalade, Navigator, Excursion, Hummer and Suburban drivers. What is with the monster trucks? You have 2 kids and a Shit Sue. (I know that's not how to spell it, I just couldn't help myself) Though I do love the soccer stickers and the Block Island "BI" sticker. (Yes, we have broken your secret code) Since you have a carbon footprint roughly the size of Luxembourg don't ya think the stickers are a bit hypocritical? Your arrogant behavior will ultimately affect your future little MLS stars and their kids as global warming will make Block Island into a sand bar that the oil tankers will have to steer around. ( I hope you're there when it happens)

OK, I'm back. Sorry about that. Here's the deal, for one day let's at least give this a shot. Assholes, use your blinker. Other assholes, let them in. Wave to each other. If you don't who knows? They might wind up renting the cottage next to you on "BI", now wouldn't that be awkward... If you guys can't get behind this I understand, it's obviously a lot to ask. I can't do this without you though so keep in mind that if this keeps up the next time I wave to you I might only use 20% of my fingers.